I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
