The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
