i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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