Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
