Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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