Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
