do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize