Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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