watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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