Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
