Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
