I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize