I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They have beer where we have blood.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
