the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
