He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
