Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
