I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
