dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
