I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
