I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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