just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
