Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
