Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize