You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But theres a keg here and me gusta
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
