rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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