I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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