I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
