I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize