I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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