we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
