i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
