There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
