So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
