I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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