How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
