how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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