Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
