We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
