Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
