I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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