Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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