I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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