she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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