Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
