I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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