pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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