I'm passing your future prison.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize