dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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