I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
