Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
