I wannas sexs uuuuu
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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