no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's always time for handjobs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My life is pants optional.
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