You're a womanizer and a bitch.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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