very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
