I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
