hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
