After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
