3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
