even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
