There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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