we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
