I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
