I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
