she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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