Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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